Watching The World Be Normal, Whilst You Face Losing Your Family...

Watching the world be normal, whilst you face losing your family life as you know it, is a pain difficult to describe...

Everyone else around me seems to be moving forward in their life as if nothing has changed. Even my kids...

People laugh. Trains run. Lights turn green. School runs still happen. Life keeps its rhythm....

And I’m standing still, trying to understand how something so important can fall apart while I have to keep up with the ryhthm of the world.

There’s a strange loneliness in that... watching normality continue while you grieve a version of life that hasn’t even fully gone yet.

It's a slow, heavy realisation that things will never look the same again.

Then there's the kids. Who don't know yet. The life they didn't choose is around the corner. Trying to be a regulated dad around them, whilst inside you're grieving what's gone, is tough.

I don’t want sympathy.

I just want to say this part out loud.

Because losing your family life as you know it, while everything else carries on, including your kids, is a part of the process that is difficult to describe.

You want to tell everyone that you're in pain. That your life has collapsed. You want your kids to be ok. But at the same time, you long to have the same sense of that normality again...

I'm broken, but still a dad 💔